• unplanned paramedicine in Paris France when do i get the manual
    so that happened

    Unplanned Paramedicine in Paris, France

    We had just stumbled out of the Parisian bar Le Comptoir Général when it happened. As I reached the bank of the canal to join my friends, I went to glance back at the bar and turned just in time to watch a little hatchback brake suddenly, sending a pizza delivery guy smashing straight into the back of him. The scooter and the pizzas skidded sideways across the road. The driver was flung up in the air. Everything slowed for an instant and then sped up. He hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Half-drunk and without thinking, I immediately ran over to the unconscious figure sprawled across the tarmac and when I…

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    Chasing UFOs at Chichibu National Park, Japan

    I had been in Japan only a few days when my brother suggested visiting Chichibu. “It’s beautiful,” he said. “You’ll love it!” I was happy to go along with his suggestion, seeing as he 1.) is my brother and b.) was living in Japan at the time, so I cheerfully agreed, and the following morning I found myself on a little bus destined for Chichibu National Park. This post isn’t really about the national park, however. As we wandered up the hill from the entrance, I munched on my matcha-flavoured pocky sticks and looked around me. It was a sunny day and my brother was right, the park was beautiful.…

  • so that happened,  Uncategorized

    New and Unexpected Housemate

    I have a housemate called Lenny. I don’t know when he moved in. He lives in the bathroom. I noticed him for the first time the other day. I opened the door, turned on the light, and there he was. “Oh.” I said. “Hi.” He froze, then ran for cover. He hid in the corner while I brushed my teeth. We watched each other warily. Well, I watched him warily. I can only assume he was watching me too. In reality, his eyes are far too small for me to know exactly where he was looking. You see, Lenny is a silverfish*. Since discovering him in my bathroom, I’ve done…

  • Communication,  Dating,  relationships,  Thoughts on...,  Uncategorized

    Ghost In The Cell(Phone)

    I may not be active on the dating scene, but I am aware that the times they are a-changing and these days it’s all about the swiping. I know that mirror selfies are a hard swipe left, and photos with dogs are a swipe right, and when I’m talking to friends who are users of Tinder, Bumble, or OKCupid, I’ve noticed something come up over and over and over (and over) again… Ghosting. I’m not talking about the Slow Fade. I’m not talking about slowly stretching out the time between unenthusiastic responses until they completely drop off into the void of forgettable connections. Last time I was single, the Slow…

  • personal

    Ireland, I Love You But…

    It’s the 8th of March. This day is important. This month is also important; after all, March brings with it St. Patrick’s Day. Or Paddy’s Day, if you prefer. Not Patty. Never Patty. Patty is a girl’s name, or what you call burger meat, or, apparently, an item of food covered in dough or batter. I can’t explain the full-body cringe I experience when somebody calls it Patty’s Day. March always sweeps in a deep love of everything Irish, all things green and shamrock-shaped. Anyone with even a drop of Irish blood to their name puffs out their chest with pride and loudly proclaims their heritage as if they had traveled…

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    It’s An Absolute Nightmare

    You would think that after so many years on this earth I would have become proficient at sleeping by now. I mean, it’s a fairly basic skill. It’s a skill I practice every night, and yet I still don’t seem to have quite mastered it. It takes me a while to power down, and then every so often – usually when I’m stressed out and not even aware of it – I have nightmares. At 5am this morning I sat bolt upright in bed gasping for air like a drowning swimmer who had finally reached the surface. Then I sat, hugging my knees, willing my heart to slow down. My…

  • so that happened,  Uncategorized

    The Human Turtle

    I feel like there are certain universal social cues that everybody understands. I think everyone would agree, for example, that people wearing earphones are generally not looking for a conversation. Despite this, somehow, for some reason, people break this seemingly simple rule with me all the time. I can’t tell what it is about me that invites this kind of behaviour. Is it my tiny stature? Is it something about my face? Do I have an invisible ink tattoo that reads ‘TALK TO ME’ under strip lighting? It happens a lot. A man once motioned for me to take my headphones off in Tesco while I was looking at packets…

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    Is Nothing Sacred?

    I rolled out of bed. I had breakfast and got dressed. I worked diligently for a few hours and then decided to go to the shop and buy some shampoo. Yesterday, I woke up in a good mood.  Now, a quick note about this. I have long hair. It’s not Rapunzel-length – I don’t have to worry about yanking on it when I sit down – but it’s long. I also don’t use any hair products because I’m weird about texture and I really like my hair to be soft. I have yet to try a mousse or hairspray or serum that doesn’t make my hair feel either crunchy or…

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    Open Letter To The World

    Dear World, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Sorry, that was abrupt. I really jumped right in there; no pleasantries, no small talk. I just feel that we don’t really have time to catch up right now. Judging by the activities of the past week, you seem to just be barrelling through all the conventions and tacit agreements we’ve had for the past generation. I mean, things hadn’t been perfect up until now, but this is too much. This is not okay. World, I’m worried about you. I’m worried about all of us. I see we’ve committed to the whole rotten-orange-as-leader-of-the-free-world thing, even though he is thoroughly awful (I mean… just… gross).  I’ve…