An Open Letter to Sleep

Dear Sleep,

Why do you elude me?

At 4am, when there is a minor rattle from the washing machine that in no sane and rational world would wake any normal person, why do you startle and desert me?

Why do you disappear in a clap of silent thunder at 6am when Maya decides to play hopscotch on my head?

Why do you vanish like fog and refuse to return, leaving me wild-eyed and desperate for a doze?

I love you! Come back to me and wrap me up. Sink me into a coma-like state until morning. Please let me stay with you for at least six hours straight. You don’t understand how much I need you!

When you abandon me in the barbaric hours of the morning, I spend the next day bouncing from sugar high to sugar high, from cup of tea to cup of coffee in an attempt to make it through the waking hours in something resembling a functional state. I spend the day on autopilot, daydreaming about wrapping myself in a plush throw and throwing myself on the couch like a human burrito.

But even more than this…

Why let me start dreams that you’re not willing to let me finish?

Dreamtease.

You seem willing to let me plod through the grimmest of dreams to the brutal and bitter end, so what about the good ones? You know I hate unsolved mysteries. Your habit of slowly unraveling intriguing storylines only to cut the fun short before I can find any resolution is mildly infuriating enough to deserve its own hashtag.

#MildlyInfuriating

Sleep, please let me love you.

Life sucks without you.

Pillow Talk

 

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I’m bored, my brain whispers.

Shut up, you.

I’m bored, it repeats. Go on reddit.

No. We’re trying this new thing where we just… drift off to sleep. Do it.

No.

Come on! It’s supposed to be zen. We just clear all thoughts and fall asleep.

No. I have a better idea. Let’s dig up your most embarrassing memory.

Definitely not. The one with the…?

I know it’s around here somewhere…

Jaysus. Could you not? I can’t even glance sideways at that memory, let alone drag it out into the harsh glare of reminiscence!

Fine. What about past failures?

Veto. There are too many to choose from, honestly. Not sure I can cope with that right now. Don’t you have anything more upbeat in there?

Hmmm. How about… baseless terror?

How is that more upbeat?!

Okay, okay. Oooh, here’s a good one. Anxieties that will paralyze you with fear but then seem ridiculous in the cold light of day!

Like being crushed by a falling tree? Or being pushed in front of a train by a total stranger? Thanks, but no thanks.

Worst case scenarios?

Definitely a hard pass.

Deepest regrets?

No.

Intrusive thoughts?

No.

General feelings of worthlessness?

No.

Chronic insecurities?

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

Fine.

Let’s go on Reddit.