An Open Letter to Sleep

Dear Sleep,

Why do you elude me?

At 4am, when there is a minor rattle from the washing machine that in no sane and rational world would wake any normal person, why do you startle and desert me?

Why do you disappear in a clap of silent thunder at 6am when Maya decides to play hopscotch on my head?

Why do you vanish like fog and refuse to return, leaving me wild-eyed and desperate for a doze?

I love you! Come back to me and wrap me up. Sink me into a coma-like state until morning. Please let me stay with you for at least six hours straight. You don’t understand how much I need you!

When you abandon me in the barbaric hours of the morning, I spend the next day bouncing from sugar high to sugar high, from cup of tea to cup of coffee in an attempt to make it through the waking hours in something resembling a functional state. I spend the day on autopilot, daydreaming about wrapping myself in a plush throw and throwing myself on the couch like a human burrito.

But even more than this…

Why let me start dreams that you’re not willing to let me finish?

Dreamtease.

You seem willing to let me plod through the grimmest of dreams to the brutal and bitter end, so what about the good ones? You know I hate unsolved mysteries. Your habit of slowly unraveling intriguing storylines only to cut the fun short before I can find any resolution is mildly infuriating enough to deserve its own hashtag.

#MildlyInfuriating

Sleep, please let me love you.

Life sucks without you.

The Blog Went Boom

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Last night, as I lazily clicked my way through a WordPress wormhole, I decided at the convenient hour of 1am that it was as good time as any to switch over to self-hosting. I popped gummy bears into my mouth until there was more sugar than blood in my veins, and then without giving it too much thought (this will become evident in a moment), I signed up for 12 months with Siteground.

Here are the things I did not consider before pulling the trigger:

  • There are many things that might be recommended activities for 1am – having a gin & tonic, dancing to terrible music, getting into a deep and meaningful conversation with a close friend, having sex, eating horribly unhealthy food – but switching to self-hosting is not one of them.
  • I had no idea what I was doing.
  • I don’t have a laptop, I have a chromebook, and so can’t actually run any programs or plugins at the moment.
  • I’m not in a position to be buying a new laptop anytime soon.
  • I had no idea what I was doing.
  • Would have really been a great idea to have done some reading before jumping in both feet first, true to form.
  • I had no idea what I was doing.

So.

I nuked my blog into a billion wordpressy pieces in a matter of minutes. Before I knew it, it had completely disappeared only to be replaced by a privacy error.

Excellent.

Three conversations with tech support later, they assured me that in the morning I would be switched over and privacy-error free. Everything would have returned to normal! It would be fine!

It was not fine.

I woke up in the morning and the privacy error was gone, yes, but now my blog had disappeared entirely and what was once my paradise of blog posts was now an empty default blog theme with a smug succulent in the header image, laughing at me.

I went back to tech support, starting to feel that familiar gnawing panic of having bitten off more than I could chew. A nice man talked me down from my freak-out and led me through the process step by step until I was back at what you see now; almost all of it, put back together in a haphazard way. Then he said what I can only assume is the virtual tech support version of a pat on the hand and a ‘there, there now.’ He said:

“I know it seems a little hard to do – I myself when I did it the first time, it was extremely hard for me as well – but do not hurry, and I believe you will do it and will work like a charm!”

Feeling boosted by this random stranger’s belief in my extremely limited abilities, I thanked him.

“I wish you all the great things, Quinn!” He said then. “Have a happy, wonderful and great time ahead of you!”

I mean…

The whole ordeal was almost worth it just for the tech support alone.