• Thoughts on...

    Thoughts On… Breasts

    So apparently breasts are back in fashion, according to a moronic article in the New York Post. This is excellent news, since much like my arms, legs and head, I’ve been foolishly lugging my breasts around for years now without a thought as to whether or not they were popular. I didn’t even realise they had gone out of fashion. I thought they were body parts, not accessories. My bad. That being said, for the past few years I have been noticing a distinct scarcity in clothing that caters for my cleavage, so maybe that’s what they mean. Dress shopping – something I’ve had to take part in recently –…

  • Communication,  open letter

    Open Letter To My Body

    Dear Body, I feel like you and I are not on the same wavelength these days, so I thought I’d write you a quick note. You know, just to check in. We’ve had some communication issues this past while. Or maybe you’re mad at me? It really could be either. I know a steady diet of Honey Monster Puffs* and tea probably isn’t the best and most nutritious form of sustenance. Also I doubt my soft spot for chocolate peanuts is helping matters. Still, did you have to go and get a full-body common cold yesterday? Was that necessary? You know we have a wedding to attend tomorrow, and now…