A Rollercoaster of Emotions

So far, 2018 is proving unexpectedly stressful.

In case you couldn’t gather from my last post, I’ve been having a couple of weeks where my waking thoughts have been consumed by one worry or another, and my nights have been spent dreaming of strange amalgamations of the same worries. It’s just wrong; the nightmare equivalent of a giraffe with elephant legs and a crocodile snout.

Honestly, even when I’m not stressed I have a certain amount of The Fear running through me like a low voltage current. I overthink everything until it makes no sense to me. I overthink and overthink and overthink until my thoughts end up in the same place as the word ‘banana’ after you’ve said it 27 times. Gibberish. Total gibberish. The sort of gibberish you need three expert linguists and the Rosetta Stone to decipher.

So you can probably imagine what I’m like when I actually have something to worry about…

pic2450826.jpg

It’s very calming.

The worst part about it is that I’ve had some great news so far in 2018! Really exciting things are happening! Good things are coming! Love is in the air! I have so many things to smile about, and yet the wind must have changed because I can’t seem to move my facial muscles into an arrangement of anything but ill-concealed panic.

So here’s a true adulting struggle: how do I juggle these sorts of extreme emotions so that I can feel them all at the one time? Or even better, how do I overcome the obstacle of overthinking to get to the happy place? Do I just wait it out? Do I simply wait with endless patience for it to pass, so that I can then unashamedly enjoy the good stuff? Or do I try to set the stresses aside for a few minutes a day and ignore the guilt that comes with that?

At the moment I’m just sitting and waiting (and hoping) for the stress to pass, so that I can stop baking therapeutic banana breads that nobody feels like eating.* I’m keeping my happy feelings safe and boxed away for a few days more, in the hope that I can fully enjoy them once life stops making me feel like I’m rollerblading on gravel.

I’m sitting, and waiting (and hoping), and baking banana breads.

*It turns out baking is an inconvenient coping strategy when you have no real appetite.

 

15 comments
  1. Sorry you are having a rough time, Quinn. Baking sounds like a wonderful coping mechanism, but have you ever tried meditation? You don’t have to be an expert, have meditation experience or understand anything about why it might work for you. You just have to sit quietly, TRY to concentrate on your breathing, accept those interrupting thoughts when, inevitably, they do come and gently guide your mind back to your breathing. Start with something simple like 3 minutes a day. There are some great, free guided meditation apps if that might work for you. Personally, I use Aura. Wishing you mental peace.

  2. I don’t have a good answer as to how to do it, but it’s not likely to change. Life is always that yin and yang of stress and peace, happy and sad, fun and draining. Living in the moment while having faith that during the bad, the good will come, and knowing that during the good, you better not take it for granted and enjoy it while it’s there. I know. Little ray of sunshine there, huh? But, life is always in flux. 😃

  3. Hey- Quinn’s brain,

    Stop being so pessimistic and dreary all the time. She has a wonderful life full of love and happiness, but your shenanigans are keeping her from enjoying them to the fullest. She is a beautiful soul who deserves every happy though, feeling and experience regardless of what you think. So give her a break, will ya!?

    Signed,

    A concerned friend

  4. I feel for you. It’s a dozen on-going panic attacks in one person. Besides baking, besides meditation, both good things, how about Name That Emotion or Name That Worry? When you slow down enough to focus on one worry, it will start to emerge from the fog so that you can see a tentacle here or a sucker there. One tentacle could be Oh! It’s so Important and What If I Screw It UP? It’s partner could be Why Do I Worry about the Smallest Things and This Surely Has to be a Small Thing? Then, you consciously choose. So Important or a Small Thing? I don’t know what’s on the rollercoaster with you. I’m guessing, though, some may be contradictory and simultaneous so that choosing one aspect over another, the next step is easier. I visualize you on the roller coaster with a laser wand slicing off one tentacle then staring over the edge of your compartment as the tentacle plops into the ocean and sinks from sight. Depending on what you visualize, this exercise could get a lot sillier.

  5. I’m sorry to hear about the bundle of stress and anxiety this year has been for you so far, but if you still want to stress-bake banana bread, I’d be happy to take it off your hands 😉

  6. I usually go for a run but meditation or yoga is good too, however banana bread sounds even better! I hope the chaos in your head settles down soon!

  7. Prayer, meditation, relaxation exercises, physical exercises, affirmations, yoga, bourbon…all are terrific stress reducers.while you’re doing them. Same with cooking or carpentry or cataloging. Take it from my way too many years that you can’t avoid or eliminate the stressors any more than the feel gooders. They’re all out there and they have your name. Accept it. It will pass. If you want, pick your favorite sress reducing technique and just keep at it for as long as you can (except maybe the bourbon). Eventually you’ll forget what’s stressing and maybe even end up with a new hobby. Or enough banana bread to open a bakery.

  8. Although I don’t practice it myself, I have had to do numerous stories in my professional life regarding the many and varied health benefits of “mindful meditation”. My early scoffing at what I deemed pseud-science has since evolved into grudging respect now that there is actual science to back it up. I normally hesitate to give real advice on the internet because…well, internet. But since you’re one of the 4 people in my life I actually seem to like, I’m making an exception here.

    Oh, and send me your excess banana bread. That will help too.

  9. Live in the present. When things suck, let them suck. When things are good, enjoy them.

  10. I am saddened to hear you are in distress…of course I am also sad that there is some banana bread going uneaten. I have no skills at dealing with the distress, but I could really prove my worth on that banana bread.
    I do appreciate the raw honesty of your posts and sincerely hope everything comes together for you.

  11. ah sorry to hear this
    bake so much banana bread, fill the house with delicious smells, DON’T EAT IT ALL OR YOU WILL GET FAT
    and know that pretty soon you will go to bed and fall asleep and wake up and say WOW I FEEL BETTER WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT…
    In the meantime…
    drugs.
    (Actually I hate people who give advice but you know, a bit of exercise before bed is a good idea. And a bath. And bubbles. And no wine…)

  12. Total gibberish.

  13. Hey there! Hope you’re doing better about the stress. What always helps me is Yoga or meditation – even just going to the gym is helpful when you don’t have to think about anything else than being a hamster in a wheel for an hour^^

    Also, I wanted to tell you that I nominated you for the Liebster award. If you wanna participate and know more about the whole thing you can just read my most recent post. Would love to hear from you 🙂

  14. Oh girl, I feel these feels! This is when I start taking walks more frequently or picking up some type of meditative craft (I crochet A LOT to keep the anxiety monsters at bay) – and the very fact that you’re writing about it is a good sign! Writing about it gives you control over it and makes the weird giraffe-elephant-crocodile (Gireledile?) far less powerful.
    YOU OWN THIS STRESS. MAKE IT YOUR BITCH.

  15. You’re allowed to be stressed. Even when good things are happening. Sometimes good things stress me more than bad things. I’ve never quite got to the bottom of that one.

    Also I love banana bread. I am perfectly happy to take it off your hands if you make too much! Just in case you felt that your cupboards was that bit too full of banana bread.

Leave a Reply