This morning I woke up and made a phone call of total betrayal.
I phoned a number saved on my phone to schedule a very important appointment. As the receptionist explained about the two procedures and the need for fasting, I caught a glimpse of Oscar’s face, so blissfully oblivious of the treachery taking place right before his eyes. As we discussed dates and times, I turned to see Maya lying on the floor, watching me carefully from the other room. She rolled over onto her back and I felt a sharp pang of guilt about the scar that will soon run up her midsection. Once the deed was done and I had finished with my phone call, I called the scurrilous gurriers over and turned the laptop screen towards them.
“Okay guys, I have a survey for you to fill out.”
Maya eyed me suspiciously, white paws on the table. Oscar stared at the ceiling and licked his nose.
“There are no wrong answers, okay? It’s just to see if there are any areas I can improve on. You know, to see if there’s anything I can do to make you happier.”
Maya’s eyes flicked to the screen and back to my face. Oscar scratched his ear.
“It’ll only take a few minutes!” I promised. “It’ll be great!”
Maya yawned. Oscar batted at a hole in the wall he mistook for a fly.
The survey was divided into sections that dealt with their day-to-day lives. I decided to let them type up their own answers, since at six months old they are both perfectly capable of such things.
Maya had hers typed up in under five minutes. After a flurry of typing, she slid it across the table and, tail held proudly in the air, pranced over to the carpet to clean herself thoroughly for the sixth time this morning.
I sighed as I read through her answers. Someone had clearly been practicing with Mavis Beacon…
I set it aside and looked over at Oscar, now slowly and methodically thumping away at the keyboard with his large paws. He was completely absorbed in his work, his pupils so dilated he looked like he’d had special brownies for breakfast. His tongue poked out ever so slightly. He took so long with his survey that even after I had left for lunch, eaten, come home and done my chores… he still wasn’t done.
Two hours and forty-five minutes later, he finally dragged a crumpled page to my feet and left to look for food.
Expecting a thesis, I picked it up and straightened it out to find this:
I laid it neatly next to Maya’s piece of paper and looked down to find Oscar sitting by my feet, smiling at me expectantly. When he was sure he had my full attention, he fell heavily on to his side and rolled himself belly-side up. He chirped adoringly and I pet his tummy as requested.
Maya looked down at us from her perch on the cat tree, disgusted at Oscar’s lack of decorum.
Maya and Oscar are booked in for neutering and spaying next week.
I feel bad about it already.
Although this nonsense post is probably not the best place to be announcing this, I won an award! I didn’t want to say anything before this because even though I made the longlist, and the shortlist, and then knew I was a finalist… I still didn’t think I stood much of a chance of actually winning. I won Best Blog Post at the Blog Awards Ireland for Falling Half in Love with Strangers. I wasn’t able to go to the awards, but I’m going to pick it up on Wednesday so I can put it on my mantelpiece and look at it every time I feel completely useless and uninspired. Just wanted to share that because it was such a lovely surprise!