Thoughts on...

Thoughts On… Breasts

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So apparently breasts are back in fashion, according to a moronic article in the New York Post.

This is excellent news, since much like my arms, legs and head, I’ve been foolishly lugging my breasts around for years now without a thought as to whether or not they were popular. I didn’t even realise they had gone out of fashion. I thought they were body parts, not accessories.

My bad.

That being said, for the past few years I have been noticing a distinct scarcity in clothing that caters for my cleavage, so maybe that’s what they mean. Dress shopping – something I’ve had to take part in recently – is an actual nightmare. Brand name dresses were clearly designed with twelve-year old boys’ figures in mind. High street fashion requires me to breathe out and then never breathe in again, otherwise seams are in serious danger of popping. Urban Outfitters in particular seems to cater exclusively for girls with slim figures and breasts the size of mandarins. I know this because I tried on about five dresses there and each of them had a band of fabric fitted in the chest area – presumably for my chest – that was so narrow it covered only the middle, leaving not only underboob but also overboob, which is not a good look for anybody, ever.

Dresses that look demure on other people look indecent on me. Dresses that look slinky on other people are downright unwearable.

Did I mention I hate shopping for dresses?

And it’s not just dresses.

Backless or sheer “tops”, strappy anything with long armholes, bralettes that might as well be stitched together from scraps of tissue paper… the past year has not been kind to anyone with more than a B cup. So maybe some people out there did have a vendetta against large breasts and I just attributed to stupidity what I should have attributed to malice.

My own feelings on my breasts are… mixed.

My mother is not well-endowed, and has always equated my generous cup size with being overweight. Growing up, dressing me was all about minimising them. Anything that made them look smaller or hid them was considered attractive. Anything that emphasized my curves provoked the same reaction I imagine I would have elicited with a casual bit of public nudity. On a Sunday. In a church.

The body-shaming was real in my house.

Anything with even the slightest hint of visible cleavage made me look “fat” and “attention-seeking.” Actual cleavage was “pornographic” and “desperate.” For a long, long time I internalised all this claptrap, nestling it down deep next to a tiny seed of confidence that had yet to sprout.

Today, not only am I more confident in myself, but I also just care more about my own comfort than I care about others’ opinions. I still hear that insidious voice when I wear clothes that expose the indecent fact that I (clutch your rosary beads) have breasts – a slowly-but-surely withering part of me feels uncomfortable and fat and desperate and gross in a way that I know isn’t necessarily rooted in reality – but now I just shut it up with black eyeliner and high heels.

Which is all to say that I for one welcome this fabled return of breasts.

Not that they ever left.

 

22 thoughts on “Thoughts On… Breasts

  1. Let me be the first to raise my hand and acknowledge that I’m clearly a walking (or sitting, in this case) cliche because I found the headline irresistible, which makes me hate myself just the tiniest bit. I wish I was kidding. Nice work, Quinn.

    1. Haha I know nothing about the NYP except that the article was flooding my Twitter timeline today! Is the NYP the American version of the Daily Mail?

      1. I couldn’t say since my knowledge of the Daily Mail must match yours of the Post. Let’s put it this way, if the New York Times is known as the paper that reports “All the news that’s fit to print, ” the Post would report “all the fits that’s new to print.”

  2. Breasts are back!!!!!! Damn, I threw mine out at my last wardrobe clear out, I was feeling particularly fat that day so thought they would just add to the problem!!
    As if girls don’t have it tough enough with regards to body image they go and make our body parts fashionable and unfashionable…ugh…
    The only good thing that could come of the breast returning to the catwalk is that the midriff is now OUT of fashion? I just wasn’t cutting it, haven’t rocked a crop top since I was 10 which I suppose concurs with your theory that fashion is aimed at people with kids body shapes!!
    I’m still holding out for the day that ‘petite but curvy’ becomes fashionable!

  3. I have the same problem. You know what? They do come in handy when trying to get a discount off goods. Especially white goods. I always wear low cut tops and whola a few hundred bucks off with free delivery thrown in. I’m always careful I go by myself and never mention I have a partner ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Try Veronica Maine clothes . Hers is a great fit. https://www.veronikamaine.com.au/Mobile/Shop The rest are like for ironing boards or something ๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. Quinn, I am happy to learn you don’t put hardly any stock into random opinions of body-parts. Well done! I sometimes/often get so sick-n-tired of this and similar discussions/debates. If it all stays within physiological health, i.e. is the body & soul healthy, glowing, and thriving — then it is a necessary conversation… to encourage or illicit change, or to give praise where praise is due! Then stop there, right!? ๐Ÿ™‚

    You are just fine the way you are! And when your Mom insinuates body-shaming, let it go in one ear and immediately out the other. ๐Ÿ˜‰ <3

  5. By the way. This is a very good article.
    It’s outrageous that designers design with the ‘slim’ girl in mind, the size zero, the flat chest, etc.
    Shopping can be totally awful for anyone who does not have a stick insect figure.
    and honestly, i blame magazines, stylists, anyone who puts a size zero photoshopped airbrushed 12 year old girl on their cover.
    it is not okay anymore!

  6. Excellent post! I, too, am glad breasts are back. Phew, I missed mine! I had a distinctly different attitude towards boobs when I was growing up. I was totally flat-chested until I started high school, and even then I don’t think I made it past a B-cup. This made me very sad, because all I wanted was a big set of knockers. So, when I made it to college and gained some weight, and thus, grew some boobs, I was thrilled. And although I ditched (most of) the college weight, my ta’s are still in relatively good form– let’s just say my younger self would be pleased. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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