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T&E (Tired and Emotional)

kitten biting laptop

Well I have to say…

They’re no Lenny.

They’re better than Lenny, obviously, but Lenny was chill. He minded his own business and kept himself to himself. He fed himself, watered himself, and on the rare occasion that we ran into each other, we would both stop in surprise, as if we’d forgotten the other even lived in the apartment. On the last day, he waved goodbye with a single antenna and I nodded my head in acknowledgement. It was a civil arrangement; a cool but not unfriendly relationship.

Thing 1 and Thing 2  (their names are not yet decided) are small, furry, projectile missiles that enjoy biting hair, toes, curtains, shoelaces, faces, and each other. They frequently attack thin air. They need to be fed four times a day (FOUR!), and Thing 1 tries to eat both bowls at once. They are noiseless ninjas, appearing underfoot without so much as a meow of warning, so that you live in a constant state of shredded nerves from the possibility of standing on one by mistake. They live in a single room for the time being, but have recently become aware that there is a wider world beyond the door and Thing 1 has made about 47385 escape attempts so far. Thing 2, more cautious by nature, hangs back and watches his sister volunteer as tribute with a shocked look on his face. Neither of them speak English, and they have a particularly limited understanding of the word ‘No.’

They are small, and soft, and Thing 2 is more photogenic than I could ever be (Thing 1 doesn’t stay still long enough.

ragdoll kitten

“fvgh).“kiiiiiiiiiii,” says Thing 2, as he pads his way across my keyboard.

Still, last night, after so many months of anticipation and such high expectations of how I would feel once they arrived (LOVE, obviously – the same kind of love I had for my cat that passed away last year)… I found myself feeling strangely low. I didn’t feel the unconditional love I was expecting to feel. I didn’t feel instant, uncomplicated happiness. Instead I felt slightly frightened and a bit overwhelmed. I started to panic on the inside. As I looked at their dark little faces, watching me with wide blue eyes, I felt a crushing sense of responsibility.

kittens ragdoll

“I might have to keep you safe for twenty years,” I told them in a desperate whisper at about 2am. “Can I do that?! I don’t even know if I can do that!”

They stared silently. Thing 2 blinked.

“I mean, every house plant I’ve had has died. That’s why they’re all artificial now. Did you notice? They’re all plastic!”

Thing 2 yawned and flopped down on his side. Thing 1 started to climb up the leg of my jeans, a mad look in her eyes. I peeled her from my thigh and sat down on the bed. A tear rolled down my face and I wondered if I was actually losing it completely.

“I had a cat before, you see,” I told them. “He was the best cat – my little man – and last year he was put down. So you have… really big paws to fill. You guys are really cute, and I like you a lot, but you’re baby strangers. I don’t know you yet, and you don’t know me, and there are two of you, and there’s only one of me, and you’re all over the place, and I only have a single set of eyeballs and they both point in one direction, and I’m feeling very overwhelmed and tired and I just… I just need you to work with me and give me a bit of time. Okay?”

As I spoke, Thing 1 and Thing 2 sat up straight, staring at me solemnly. Then Thing 1 approached me and curled up against my side, and Thing 2 padded straight up to my face and reached up to lick my nose.

I petted them and they purred.

I googled it then and found that it’s actually quite a common thing. Apparently, when expectations are (consciously or subconsciously) very high, you can get a sort of post-adoption depression when everything is suddenly REAL LIFE and you really truly internalise the fact that you are now responsible for two kamikaze floofballs for almost as long as it takes to pay off a mortgage, and you will have to get to know each other a bit before you can realistically expect to have the same kind of bond you had with your 16 year old domestic shorthair family pet.

As I write this, they are asleep beside me; two stretched out little snuffleupagii.

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Although they clearly need a few more English lessons, they certainly seemed to understand my rising panic last night. Since our heart-to-heart, they’ve been very affectionate and have stopped biting my hands (as much). The number of attempted escapes has decreased dramatically, and Thing 1 has let me take a photo or two.

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I’m feeling much better today. I have the gruesome twosome booked in for a vet visit tomorrow, I’ve made them an Instagram account so as not to spam my own with pictures of their fuzzy faces, and I am no longer in imminent danger of having a meltdown.

Amazing what a few hours of sleep can do!

Ragdoll kitten

 

 

 

38 thoughts on “T&E (Tired and Emotional)

    1. Yeah, I’m feeling better about it today. I think the panic and exhaustion just got to me last night! Nothing a cat nap can’t fix (ha.. ha..)!

  1. click your post as fast as I COU”LD! They’re so cute! that keep you safe for twenty years part hits me (too hard, the part that I know, but I don’t want to know because, yknow its hard). But, counting those days, months, and years with great adventure, taking pictures weird pose of those cats, taking care of them is what matter.

    SQUEEZE THEIR PAWS FOR ME! not too hard

  2. I think i NEED to follow the Instagram account to see the kitten spam. They are truly adorable! I think Dangerspouse is right; They they weedle their way into your heart in no time at all!

    1. They are really cute, it’s just disconcerting because they’re so tiny and silent. Like miniature furry psychopathic ninjas!

  3. Good days and bad days. That’s what makes it interesting! You have already proven that you are a great kitty Mom. Just the fact that you are asking the question shows that you CAN do it… the question is, do you WANT TO make that commitment? Thanks for sharing your writing gift, Quinn. Yet again, I laughed and [almost] cried reading your story. So, touching.

    1. In the mornings, Oscar (Thing 2, now named) comes over and licks the tip of my nose. Not sure if he’s just testing me to see if I’m edible in case the situation gets dire, or if he just likes me. Time will tell I suppose…

      (If I disappear the kittens got me)

    1. They are pretty damn cute. And so good with people! And very well-behaved… Overall we got real lucky!

    1. They went to the vet yesterday – Oscar was stoic and resigned, and Maya was OUTRAGED at the very idea of having her temperature taken. I think it’s going to be one adventure after another with these two!

  4. They are adoreballs! Don’t worry…they are too adorable to not fall in love with. And btw, the post-adoption panic you felt is the exact same feeling as the post labor panic a mother feels. *@&! I am responsible for this living thing!!!!

    1. Hahaha I can imagine! I was saying that to Scrubs. Being a parent must feel like this x1000. Even imagining it makes me feel a bit sick with panic! I’m relaxing a bit now, although I’ll relax more when I know they’re not trying to chew through cables every time I turn away!

  5. Wow! You really went for it two at once, you sound a bit like my sister when she had twins!!! Don’t worry though once you get them past the baby stage they learn to keep themselves alive, right? Mind you my experience of cats is limited to farm cats who refused cuddles and would go straight for the jugular with a sharpened claw!

    1. We actually chose these cats because they’re known as ‘puppycats’ because they’re so affectionate and friendly and love people just like dogs. Oscar actually carries his ball of tin foil around in his mouth all proud like a little pup. You can pick them up and smoosh them and they just go sort of limp (hence the breed name: Ragdoll). They also grow to be… quite large. I mean, QUITE LARGE.

      Only Maine Coons are larger in the pet cat world!

  6. They are so pretty! I am a little bit jealous. I finally let my hubby get a kitten for fathers day. Mr. Lincoln (that’s what we finally decided to name him after 3 weeks) is a pretty tiger looking kitty. I’m sure I will write about him before too long, but like you, I am still getting to know him. It took him over a week to come out of our room or get any where near my kids. He still stays in my room most of the day, I assume where he feels the safest, but has gotten much more bold in what he will allow to happen around him. In the past few days, his favorite sleeping spot is next to my head. Which is surprising when you are asleep and you go to roll over, he seems to like me a lot, and yet…he’s my hubby’s cat! Looking forward to hearing what you decide to call your furbabies!

    1. Aw Mr. Lincoln sounds like a Dude! Please write about him! I love that he sleeps next to you. You are obviously The Chosen One. His person! Our ones are ragdolls so they’re extremely friendly, and maybe because there are two of them they’re extremely confident. They think they’re lords of the place and they’ve only been here since Monday! Anytime I tell them something is off limits they look at me with their blue eyes like, “WHAT? HOW DARE YOU?”

      …And then the minute my back is turned they’re right back over, causing mischief. Having said that they’re currently having a snooze on their cat tree and they look adorable!

      1. I honestly can’t tell you how we landed on Lincoln (Link), but we went through a ton of names and tried them out and nothing seemed to match him. He comes alive at night, like as soon as the sun goes down he is wild and it is hilarious! But once we all get in bed, he does too and sleeps with us. Our lab is scared of him, which is pretty funny. But he is scared of our kids, not as much now, but he doesn’t trust them that’s for sure!

        I don’t mind being the chosen one because I love cats, but it’s funny because my hubby has wanted him for so long and I finally let him have one and now he loves me more! ha!

        Omg! They sounds amazing! I love kittens like that, they are probably entertaining for hours! So sweet!

      1. I love those names!!! I considered Oscar for ours, it is a great name! But it’s also my bosses dads name so I thought it would be a little weird since I see him all the time! ha! and Maya!! Love love!! So cute!

  7. I don’t know how I missed this post last week, but… SSSQQQUEEEEEEEE!!! They are the cutest!! I had a slight freak out when I got my puppy, so I guess it may be the norm. But then again, I’m sure not all new creatures shreds a mattress pad, chews a hole in the wall and rips up the carpet in the first month… Love the names btw (though anytime I see Oscar, I think Charlie 😉 ).

  8. Oh my gosh the love that is oozing from this post is just too much to handle. I adore these two kittens and I cannot wait to keep hearing about your life with them! Too cute!

    1. They are very cute. I’m starting to get to know them better now – Oscar is a sweet cuddle monster and a mummy’s boy, and Maya is an intrepid, stubborn little independent kitten. She loves her food, and he loves his toy, Mr. Fishy. I’ll probably post on them once a month so that the blog doesn’t get clogged with cat pictures in the same way as my camera roll…

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