Communication · open letter

Open Letter To My Body

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Dear Body,

I feel like you and I are not on the same wavelength these days, so I thought I’d write you a quick note. You know, just to check in.

We’ve had some communication issues this past while. Or maybe you’re mad at me? It really could be either. I know a steady diet of Honey Monster Puffs* and tea probably isn’t the best and most nutritious form of sustenance. Also I doubt my soft spot for chocolate peanuts is helping matters. Still, did you have to go and get a full-body common cold yesterday? Was that necessary? You know we have a wedding to attend tomorrow, and now we both feel awful. I really feel like you’re letting me down.

Also, what’s with the knee thing? You know I was excited by the idea of becoming one of those bouncy people you see on the street who never stop hopping from foot to foot, even at traffic lights. I was ready. I was going to be a jogger! But you were very much against the idea from the start. I get that now. I heard you loud and clear after the seventh time my right knee buckled on the stairs. So my question for you now is what do you want me to do?

I thought I was doing the right thing by you by exercising, but now I see you’re really not a fan of Duracell bunny running, and every time I try it, you take it out on me in the form of making my knee buckle at inappropriate moments. The only time I’ve ever read of buckling knees has been in trashy novels where the heroine is constantly having her legs give way from lust, and I would just like to make it clear that I’m okay with lust-induced knee-buckling. I’m fine with that. In fact, I welcome it.

Really.

But … this other damn-I-forgot-how-to-use-my-legs buckling that momentarily makes me look a bit like a less cute version of the Little Mermaid walking for the first time? I’m not okay with it. So… Fine. I’ll stop the running, if you stop the knee buckling.Β I mean, I don’t really mind because it doesn’t hurt, but it’s a little embarrassing to unexpectedly fold like Mr. Soft from the Mentos ad.

So.

Jogging.

But we can’t just do nothing. What about dancing? What about krav maga? What about the pilates we did at the beginning of the year? Remember that? That was fun! We got to wear Flashdance-style wristbands! Would you prefer it if we went back to that? I don’t remember any collapsible knee moments after that class.

I’m willing to work together on this, so just let me know. I’m open to suggestions.

… But for now, could we kick the cold please?

Yours hopefully,

Q.

*[Sidenote which almost turned into a post of its own]: I actually thought these were called Sugar Puffs, but when I googled them I was redirected to Wikipedia’s page on Honey Monster Puffs, which has this intriguing note stickied at the top:

[This article is about the cereal. For the oldest living horse until 2007, seeΒ Sugar Puff.]

Which, I mean… naturally I clicked on that. Who wouldn’t? Unfortunately, there was no full and vivid biography of Sugar Puff the pony, only a note that said he lived to the ripe old age of 56, so of course I had to dig deeper. Here are the results of my investigation:

Sugar Puff was a dark brown pony who lived in England with a family who owned a riding school. At Christmas, they would let him inside the house. Yes, inside. Like, into the kitchen, or maybe into the living room to open his presents from Santa? I’m not sure how this worked in practice. Upsettingly, there are no photographs provided of Sugar Puff pulling a christmas cracker with his teeth. He was put down by a vet at the age of 56 when his organs started to fail. It doesn’t say, but I have to assume they buried him in the garden.

So.

There you have it.

The more you know!

42 thoughts on “Open Letter To My Body

  1. I was wondering how your training was going for the race (?) you hinted at. Now I have my answer.

    Sorry you’re sick. Tis no bueno. I hope you and your body have a heart-to-heart and are able to come to some sort of agreement, sooner rather than later.

    1. Thanks, yeah the training was a bust. My right knee was apparently harbouring some resentment that only came out after some C25K!

      1. Running has always been a battle for me since I shifted my kneecap playing dodge ball in elementary school… I was a hard-core dodge ball player back in the day. πŸ˜€

          1. :O I hope not! If so, I’m sooooo sorry!

            I was a better dodger/catcher than a thrower actually. Who the hell threw the ball at you? The Hulk??

          2. Haha a boy who was a couple of years older and a lot bigger. He didn’t mean to hit me in the head, I’m just very little!

  2. 1) I tried to run the other day and seem to have aching knees like a 90 year old, I guess my body is giving me a big F.U. in fear that I try to make it run for 5 hours again!! No Bueno!
    I hope your collapsing knee stops… I actually thought of Ariel as soon as you said your knee buckled!
    2) They did used to be called Sugar Puffs though, right?? Also, my sister had a Shetland Pony that was allowed into the kitchen at the farm house, he used to sit in front of the Aga with the dogs!.

    Hope your cold makes a swift exit and you can enjoy the wedding xo

    1. Please tell me there are photos of that pony with the dogs! Just the mental image was enough to make me smile! I hope your knees chill out, too. Why are knees so whiny?

      I seriously feel like they used to be Sugar Puffs, but is this another Berenstein Bears moment?!

  3. It’s good that you are having this heart to heart with your body now. Back in a different century when I should have done the same I figured I was the one in control of logic and would decide what was best for me. Thirty years later I have been reminded of that folly. Constantly. Unforgivingly. And I keep hearing evil laughter in my head.

  4. oh dear, I certainty hope that your limbs and joints don’t reach the failing condition of Sugar Puffs organs; a sad fate to be put down and buried in somebodies garden.

  5. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ my knees are driving me nuts . Hubby seems to think it’s from all of my sexual activities . I don’t think so as his knees are still fine πŸ˜‚

  6. Oh no, I’m sorry you’re sick, sometimes I feel like my body and my mind are opposites too. Have you tried swimming? I can’t run because I have ligament damage in a foot from falling over in high heels and swimming is great πŸ‘

    1. I get very bored swimming! I think it’s because I can’t listen to music or podcasts, although I’ve heard you can get waterproof headphones now…?

      1. I’m not sure about that, I just imagine I’m swimming in a pool in some Thai resort with the sun on my face (although it takes some imagining admittedly!) x

  7. Boo at the cold! Hope it does one soon and you managed to enjoy the wedding. Shame about the jogging/knee disagreement, am still plodding along with mine…still waiting to actually enjoy it though. If it wasn’t one of the only free forms of exercise, not sure I would persist.
    And yes they were called Sugar Puffs. They were renamed to stop them sounding so unhealthy…what is wrong with this world?! They will always be Sugar Puffs to me just as Star Bursts will always be Opal Fruits (showing my age now….)

    1. THANK YOU! I thought I was going crazy! The cold lifted just in time, either that or the shots of baby guinness cleared my sinuses like woah! Thank you!

  8. Get well soon!

    I really thought they were called sugar puffs too! I wonder if it is one of those globalisation things where they had to change the name because sugar puffs is something else somewhere else in the world!?

    1. Thanks David! No more pilates … yet … but it’s on my list of things to sign up for after the big move!

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