Trying To Be More Like Trump

This is actually a caterpillar, but it resembles Trump’s hair enough to make the cut.

So today I had a mad day.

You know those mornings when you wake up tired and you basically feel like you’re playing catch-up for the rest of the day? I’ve had one of those days. Hence the late night blog post through eyes that are so bleary they feel like they might close of their own accord aaaaaaany minu-

Where was I?

Oh, right. I was talking about the day I’ve had and how tired I am. Well, yes. I just had cereal for dinner, which is a surefire sign that all is not as it should be; usually I love cooking dinner and making something – anything – that tastes good and involves vegetables of some kind so that I can pat myself on the back and tell myself I’m being healthy (potatoes count as a vegetable). And yet tonight, I had a dinner of bitesize wheaties. I’m depressing myself just typing that.



Some very adult-y type things were done today.

And some not so adult-y type things (after all, balance is a necessary part of life).

I was going to write about the adult-y thing today, but then the hours of the day saw me coming and decided to make a break for it, and they completely escaped me and now here we are and it’s almost midnight.

I was sitting here feeling terrible about not having the time to write about what I want to write about, when I saw a news story about Donald Trump and thought, ‘I should be more like Donald Trump.’

No, I don’t mean I should be a sexist, bigoted moron, but in the grand tradition of believing there’s nobody you can’t learn something from, I think we can all let just a tiny pinch of Donald Trump’s self-assuredness rub off on us every once in a while.

Not a large amount. Not even a spoonful (this stuff is potent, after all).

Still, just a tiny pinch might not do any harm.

In the mind of Donald Trump, he can do no wrong. Donald Trump is the best, most accomplished man he knows. He is his own role model. There is no room for self-doubt under that badly-dyed patch of wool roving. He never even stops to consider the fact that somebody who disagrees might have a valid point; that would clearly be a waste of time since he is always right. He sticks to his beliefs, even when they diverge from the route of reality. If he wants something to be true, he simply believes that it is so. Really, if it weren’t so worrying, it would be impressive.

So here we go. Here I am, trying to look at my day through the eyes of The Donald:

Today was the BEST day. THE BEST. Everybody says so. I did not get enough sleep last night, and that was very unfair, very very unfair, but now… Look, it was the best day. We got great things done. Good things. Do you know the expression, ‘Friday feeling’? I mean, I just came up with it yesterday, so… But yeah, I had a ‘Friday feeling’ and it just meant that it was the best, most successful day.


I’m not sure that really worked. Now I just feel sort of dirty.

Maybe I’ll have a quick shower before bed…!

  1. It should likely be a long shower, simply due to the mere mention of its name.

    1. It was. It was a long shower.

      1. Good. Now, never say its name again. 🙂

  2. haha! This was so amazing, huuuuge. I loved it. Everybody loved it.

    1. Ask anyone. They’ll tell you. Everybody loved it! They loved it. Best ever, they said. I think it was some kind of record.

  3. Quinn… this is a little piece of genius. This is, like, super writing. And, yes, the end absolutely worked. It worked so damn well. I think I’m geeking out. I’ll check back later. Bye.

    1. Oh thank you! I was so tired. It was all my brain could muster at 11.59pm!

      1. Your brain is doing alright then 🙂 Sleepless delusion is the best.

  4. Love it hehehe Trump element is fire that’s why he’s so full of steam . Only found out the other day 😂

    1. Hahaha that must be it!

  5. That was brilliant!!

    1. Thank you!

  6. Quinn, when you get around to writing a book, can I be your publicist? I’m not sure what exactly a publicist does, but since it’s your book it’ll sell out and there will be a nice little royalty check in it for me. 😉

    1. Hahaha Lane flattery will get you everywhere! Thank you.

      1. Oh! You saw right through that one, did you? Note to self: next time, go a bit more subtle. 😜

  7. Love this! I’ve been using that approach in my job search. When self doubt creeps in when I look through a job advertisement I think well Trump won the US Presidency so I can apply for this haha!

    1. EXACTLY! I mean, it just goes to show, anything (however unlikely) is possible! Fake it til you make it!

  8. I’m still laughing at the caterpillar!!!! Hope Today is a better day, by Quinn’s standards not Trumps.

    1. Thanks! Yes, today is much better, mostly because I got a good night of sleep and I am now firing on all cylinder’s again instead of running on fumes!

      1. Ugh. *CYLINDERS. I wish WordPress would let me edit my comments so I could stop worrying about whacking the ‘post comment’ button before checking for T9 ninja edits!

  9. That is actually the best trump post I’ve read to date. Well done, you need to eat cereal more often 😳 joking 🙃 honest ✨💁

    1. Hahaha thank you!

  10. Don’t stay in that Trump mindset for too long Quinn! Hope the shower helped and the adulty thing was a good adulty thing to be doing.

    1. It was! It was. It was just one of those ‘I’m GROWN!’ moments, you know? I’ve discarded the mindset now. It wasn’t useful, just delusional!

      1. Ooh I like those sorts of moments! Yay for the ‘grown’ moment and double yay for bye bye to the Trump mindset…this blog could have turned very different if you’d stayed in it for much longer 😆

        1. Hahaha! So true.

  11. I don’t ‘do’ politics and I don’t even live in your country so my apologies if this offends, but in my eyes anyone with a name like that just cannot be taken seriously. Love the caterpillar though 🙂

    1. I’m actually Irish! I was just borrowing the politician for a quick minute! I wholeheartedly agree!

      1. Sorry, I remembered you’re Irish after I’d posted the comment but I read so many blogs I sometimes forget who’s who! 🙂

        I have Irish connections myself, my son’s dad came from Roscrea in Tipperary, and my son himself is actually there on holiday at the moment; I’m hoping to go over there myself soon 🙂

        1. I hope you get some freak sunshine when you do make your way over!

    (although Trump is even far below mediocre, but I think it still applies)

    1. Hahahaha I love this! And I agree. Far below average. It still blows my mind that he managed to get to where he is today.

      1. I mean, he IS a rich, white man. That gets you pretty far!

        1. True. It’s like a life slingshot.

  13. He is his own role model….love it! Great piece.

    1. Oh thank you! He is though. You can tell he just has framed photos of himself in the bathroom to inspire him while he’s brushing his teeth and telling himself he’s amazing every morning.

  14. Hilarious!! I love your style of humor

    1. Thank you! 🙂

  15. The best non-political political post I’ve ever read, 10/10 😁

    1. Hahaha thank you!

  16. I admit, I was slightly baffled when I saw the title. I barely know you (okay, I don’t know you, but through your writing, I am getting a sense of you) and I was worried that I had somehow misjudged you.
    Thankfully, my fleeting thoughts were all completely wrong. You made me laugh. Thank you.

    1. It would have been a nasty surprise had I turned out to be an undercover narcissistic bigot! Thanks Anthony!

      1. You are welcome. I am glad I kept reading

  17. Lovely to hear about your day x

    1. Thank you Minty!

  18. Hahaha…I really enjoyed reading it!

    1. Thank you!

  19. I will never look at hairy caterpillars the same again!!! It was an outstanding piece!

    1. Oh thank you!

  20. You know those popular ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ bracelets in the 90s? I feel like you could invent and market a ‘What Would Donald Trump Do?’ type of paraphernalia and make bank. But stretchy rubber bracelets aren’t ‘in’ currently, so it would have to be a choker or something.
    And don’t you hate adulting!? It’s so overrated.

    1. Ugh. A Donald Trump choker. There is just something horrible about that idea. Almost as bad as the idea of Donald Trump underwear! I see where you’re going with it though…

  21. Haha! I love the idea behind this! and it’s so damn true. We should all get a little Trump confidence.. 😉

    1. I mean, he has enough to spare!

      1. Exactly!!

  22. Where is Donald Trump’s legal guardian?

    1. Maybe he resigned in desperation?

  23. The White House bugged:

    “Donald, Honey: You be the Pope and I’ll be a nun…”
    “…Hey, it’s working…it’s working!…”
    “…The Lord is my shepherd…”

  24. A Trump supporter:
    “I voted for Trump and that is Donald Trump because I know Jesus hates gays and I want a wall billed to keep out Syrians climbing over and raping my cows and if Trump is Pope he can do that and yes he will do it and did and his hair must have its own show as the Muppets and a Christian beliefs and that Muslims can go back into Mordor if in the the Bible it is written which not evolution did if Jesus made dinosaurs and finally Hallellular Hallylooler Halleyleyar said the Lord and Trump will bomb them until for peace to us all A men.”

    1. Ha!

  25. Ugh I love this so much! xx

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