Trying To Be More Like Trump

This is actually a caterpillar, but it resembles Trump’s hair enough to make the cut.

So today I had a mad day.

You know those mornings when you wake up tired and you basically feel like you’re playing catch-up for the rest of the day? I’ve had one of those days. Hence the late night blog post through eyes that are so bleary they feel like they might close of their own accord aaaaaaany minu-

Where was I?

Oh, right. I was talking about the day I’ve had and how tired I am. Well, yes. I just had cereal for dinner, which is a surefire sign that all is not as it should be; usually I love cooking dinner and making something – anything – that tastes good and involves vegetables of some kind so that I can pat myself on the back and tell myself I’m being healthy (potatoes count as a vegetable). And yet tonight, I had a dinner of bitesize wheaties. I’m depressing myself just typing that.



Some very adult-y type things were done today.

And some not so adult-y type things (after all, balance is a necessary part of life).

I was going to write about the adult-y thing today, but then the hours of the day saw me coming and decided to make a break for it, and they completely escaped me and now here we are and it’s almost midnight.

I was sitting here feeling terrible about not having the time to write about what I want to write about, when I saw a news story about Donald Trump and thought, ‘I should be more like Donald Trump.’

No, I don’t mean I should be a sexist, bigoted moron, but in the grand tradition of believing there’s nobody you can’t learn something from, I think we can all let just a tiny pinch of Donald Trump’s self-assuredness rub off on us every once in a while.

Not a large amount. Not even a spoonful (this stuff is potent, after all).

Still, just a tiny pinch might not do any harm.

In the mind of Donald Trump, he can do no wrong. Donald Trump is the best, most accomplished man he knows. He is his own role model. There is no room for self-doubt under that badly-dyed patch of wool roving. He never even stops to consider the fact that somebody who disagrees might have a valid point; that would clearly be a waste of time since he is always right. He sticks to his beliefs, even when they diverge from the route of reality. If he wants something to be true, he simply believes that it is so. Really, if it weren’t so worrying, it would be impressive.

So here we go. Here I am, trying to look at my day through the eyes of The Donald:

Today was the BEST day. THE BEST. Everybody says so. I did not get enough sleep last night, and that was very unfair, very very unfair, but now… Look, it was the best day. We got great things done. Good things. Do you know the expression, ‘Friday feeling’? I mean, I just came up with it yesterday, so… But yeah, I had a ‘Friday feeling’ and it just meant that it was the best, most successful day.


I’m not sure that really worked. Now I just feel sort of dirty.

Maybe I’ll have a quick shower before bed…!


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