Pillow Talk



I’m bored, my brain whispers.

Shut up, you.

I’m bored, it repeats. Go on reddit.

No. We’re trying this new thing where we just… drift off to sleep. Do it.


Come on! It’s supposed to be zen. We just clear all thoughts and fall asleep.

No. I have a better idea. Let’s dig up your most embarrassing memory.

Definitely not. The one with the…?

I know it’s around here somewhere…

Jaysus. Could you not? I can’t even glance sideways at that memory, let alone drag it out into the harsh glare of reminiscence!

Fine. What about past failures?

Veto. There are too many to choose from, honestly. Not sure I can cope with that right now. Don’t you have anything more upbeat in there?

Hmmm. How about… baseless terror?

How is that more upbeat?!

Okay, okay. Oooh, here’s a good one. Anxieties that will paralyze you with fear but then seem ridiculous in the cold light of day!

Like being crushed by a falling tree? Or being pushed in front of a train by a total stranger? Thanks, but no thanks.

Worst case scenarios?

Definitely a hard pass.

Deepest regrets?


Intrusive thoughts?


General feelings of worthlessness?


Chronic insecurities?



Let’s go on Reddit.



  1. Tossing and turning is so frustrating! Not to mention that you pay for it the next day. Reddit is a good choice for spending some remaining energetic brain gremlins that are preventing you from sleep. 😀

    1. I think so. The night theme and some r/politics sends me right to sleep!

  2. Hahahaha I do this every. single. night. My brain usually likes to gear towards the most embarrassing moments because my brain is an asshole.

    1. I wish I had a magic eraser for those memories. Some of them are so, so embarrassing. It really cannot be overstated just how embarrassing they are.

      1. Hahaha yep! And the moment keeps replaying in your head until you realize it’s 3am and you haven’t fallen asleep yet…

  3. I like these, they’re very well written 🙂

  4. This sometimes happens to me. Thankfully not all of the time though. Mine is more a lets lay in the dark and stare at the ceiling whilst you get cramp in both your legs or something of that nature. Other times I can be out before I hit the pillow. I feel your annoyance… At least some of it.

    1. I can’t stare at the ceiling like that. My thoughts are too loud!

      1. I am sure you have tried everything, reddit included, but there must be a muffler for those loud thoughts?

  5. Hilariously accurate i must say xD amazing. So related

    1. There are DOZENS of us!

  6. I feel like I have this conversation with my brain a lot of nights. Except, instead of reddit, it’s binge watching home renovation shows on Netflix.

    1. HGTV is where it’s at. Fixer Upper is my jam!

      1. Yes! I want to move to Waco. Just so I can buy a crappy house and get them to come and fix the place up! Shiplap everywhere!

        1. So much shiplap!

  7. I used to have a terrible time falling asleep, until I hit puberty, then I discovered if I just think of girls it switches my brain into some sort of primitive animal mode, I go right out within moments. But, doubt that will work for you.

    My wife has terrible insomnia, I’ve tried a few things to help her, firstly, there have been a number of studies that show that lighting tricks your brain into staying up. Low lighting is important (fewer bulbs, lower watt bulbs), and even more important is filtering out blue light, such as the light from a LCD/LED screen on a phone, tablet, TV, or computer display (the wavelengths of blue lighting can keep you up an extra 1-3 hours longer than you normally would stay awake). To filter out blue light, install f.lux for Windows, Twilight for Android, or turn on Night Shift for iOS devices, these programs will automatically warm the color temperature of the display as night falls so they don’t inhibit your natural sleep rhythm. I know it sounds a bit hokey, but good studies have been done and I found it really helped my wife. That and only using the bedroom for sleep, stay in other parts of the house until you are ready to sleep, don’t read, watch TV, or surf the Internet in bed, makes a big difference for training your body that the bed is for sleeping. I know, I’m probably missing the point of your post, but having seen how much my wife struggles with insomnia, I just thought I’d throw my two cents at ya 🙂

    1. Hey, thanks! I’m terrible for surfing at night. Every so often I tell myself I’ll only use the bedroom for bed-related things, but it never lasts long because I lie there slowly spiraling into darker thoughts until I run to get my phone so I can distract myself with the mundanity of other people’s issues…

      I just got the Philips hue lights so I’ll see if I can set them up to do that colour temperature thing!

  8. I wrote a short story once called ‘The Danger of Trees’ because I think about them falling and crushing me/others/things all the time. Lovely things, oaks and maples are.

    1. On windy days I walk around giving them the side-eye as if they’re plotting against me.

  9. I swear that sleep run us and plays with us. It would be nice to meet sleep and have a serious talk without sleeping 🙂 Bruce

    1. Yeah.

      “Sleep, why are you doing me wrong?”

  10. Haha this is me but during the day!! So glad I don’t seem to have night trouble because of it. Great post!

  11. Ha ha Reddit for you, Sleeping tablet for me.

  12. That’s why there is a saying ’empty mind is a devil’s workshop’.

    1. Hahaha I like this!

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